the mild bay of disinterest

Not much to tell about these days, except my great desire of writing. I really liked this blog, and writing in a normal keybord after a notebook is such a pleasure, specially you're writing many fingers (I dare not say ten, but I'm working on it, I'm maybe up to six, seven or eight, actually, I wonder if it's possible to use seven fingers, or has it always to be a pair number? symetrical? yes, I don't really know what to write.)

Coding is an interesting thing indeed (although I wouldn't call myself a coder, let's just say an intern coder) (and I always wanted to use "Indeed" in my writings) (Indeed I did) (I mean it sounds really great, aand yes indeed it does!) (I tend to get boring like this, in - fact I'll just stop it) even though it is about writing, it involves much more reading, especially when you don't really know what you're doing :) I'm quite positive now that every form of writing requires much more reading, my only counter-example being Nietszche, and he is a counter for many examples :)

The good thing about my internship days is that, there are times when something I wrote actually does what I expect (or does just anything) and I work over it to make it better; I get a real pleasure from it, and for that, I should think of myself as lucky, because there are times when I think of my becoming a computer engineer as pure coincidence and now these days I feel myself more or less at home, if you know what I mean. Also, I am lucky because this last sentence makes a bit of sense, yours is a hard task really :)

Another thing with me being accustomed to the internship is that I learned to tie my tie (to tie my tie when the rain rains :p) Yes, I know that you are pretty sure now that I am tie-obsessed, but this has a really important symbolical meaning :) When I said this to my father, his eyes were full with tears for a moment, or so I thought. And just as I get used to be here, it's about to end. (yeah baby! yeah finally free!)

Yes, actually I have a meaningless expection of freedom, when I look from inside to outside (from work to freedom) I have the most powerful desire to be there, but I also know that when my thirst for spare time is finally satisfied, this time I'll be looking from outside to inside (oh, what a brasilian drama is my life!) And no, I don't plan to do anything about this, not anyting foolish like doing a longer internship, no fucking way! I'm just seeing this as a good thing, (and if I were to say, like in the fantasy books, that "this thing is my blessing and my curse" that would be this, my ability to classify some absurd things as good, in other words me, as an intern polyanna :) because, in the future, I think I'll get more easily used to my job, which will be something like these days (I think I hope so, when it is raining and the street is dark, I feel like I belong there and my craving to be out there is happily absent).

That would be all for now, it hasn't been the best blog ever, but I have other things to do now. Thanks for your time though (oh yes I'm very polite :)

A few days ago, I bought `The Other Wind` written by Ursula K. LeGuin, the sixth book of the Earthsea Trilogy (I know there is a joke there, but it`s so evident that I won`t bother). I have to admit that I am intimidated by LeGuin, that's because I didn't understand her books. Or I thought that I get them, that they're simple stories about a wizard, but it turns out they're not. See, I've read the books, really enjoyed them, nice wizard story I thought, but later, I saw a critic about them, where aunt Ursula said they were mainly about growing up, sexuality, and death. Where the hell were these things? I read an adventure of a wizard, there was some death, some growing up and absolutely no sexuality whatsoever.

Nowadays, as I'm rethinking about the books, I've managed the find the growing and the death parts, I've got them quite well actually, but even though I progressed far and away in this area I still can't find the sexuality, I think the books couldn't even get a pg rating. Also, I think all the stuff that we consume demands a certain knowledge, in fact they demand most of the knowledge of their authors, and that's why they're never really understood and nobody likes french movies. Writing is a bit about that too, turning your personal examples into something that everybody can understand and yet think that they're the only ones experienced enough to get it. When everybody gets what we get, it kinda spoils the fun. But we do keep the sharing privilege for our close friends, because sharing is good and the ability to show off to stangers is better. And as we keep sharing the same things with our friends, we experience more and more the same things, which makes us more alike.

So, really, coming to this point has been nothing but coincidence, but I ask myself, how much do we get our manners and ideas from our friends, after a long time with them, is it really possible to be unlike them? As time flows and we get along and alike, at which point our friendship becomes useless? Useless, in a sense of friendship for improving ourselves; because getting along and having fun improves with the likeness (I came better till here, but writing from work doesn't help the concentration and I keep writing the same thing). How long does it take to drain people, unless they keep on feeding themselves with new stuff and experiences? Is this what we should do to keep ourselves interesting and full? (maybe stopping asking questions would also be a good idea).

At least, I know really well that spare time doesn't help the mood, unless it's between two occupation, and otherwise, it's not really spare time, it's just a long period devoid of any job and responsability (maybe other words for paradise? Well, no, I know better than that, a long period of spare time is actually a challenge for the mind, for a man's intellectual capability of keeping himself busy. It's not necessarily an intellectual challange, but that sounded really good.)


Yes, I got carried away, so, for the lazy reader, here are the results:
1. The Earthsea Trilogy is about growing up, death, and sexuality.
2. Friendship is a copy machine for people.
3. French movies sucks.
4. A long period of spare time is actually a challenge for a man's intellectual capability (yeah, still sounds great).
5. LeGuin's books are a scale of growing up, knowing about life.
6. I get carried away while writing.

the blog is the paradise for the ego, it's the place where we can freely and sans-cesse talk about ourselves, in fact, it is a place where we should talk about ourselves, we have to talk about ourselves (and we must talk, blah blah, by the way sans-cesse means "without stop" in french; in its paradise, my ego took over and started to show itself, I can't understand why it didn't mention the high i.q., but I can easly understand the reason why there is no word about my school life.) And I absolutely love the idea that everyone's favourite subject is "me" (not "me" me, but "them" me (i know you undrestood but it was a funny remark anyway (these day I am doing lots of  programming with parantheses and semi columns and {}s so these complications are nothing but normal, just avoid them (don't compile ) ) ) ), and anybody who reads the blog has already accepted that the writer will talk about him/herself (although you don't expect him to talk like it's the first time anybody talks about a blog in the entire universe, no, but I'm sorry, certain things are still surprising for me), so the reader has no right to complain (but he has every right to complain about the parantheses) (you won't believe it, but I usually don't speak about myself. On a second thought, you will believe it, because I'm still not talking about myself and it's a blog, it is the paradise for the ego).

p.s: i think i'll just bold the normal part, outside of the parantheses.

The work month is the only one when I wear a tie, when I wear the tie actually, and 11 moths is long enough for me to forget its effects, like beggars begging more intently, people not recognising me, girlfriend feeling like more grown-up (i know it's hard to believe, but i actually hate the meaningful italics); and these are always surprising to me because I know they're only the illusion of a working man, and I'm not one, never been and never felt like one actually, which is disturbing when your friends from primary school are graduating from university. The difference this year, is that i started to like the illusion, and even though there is a long way for me to work, and even longer to feel like working, I just started to see the benefits of a standalone life, or more likely, i can no longer avoid them. The relieving part is that, with the internship, i also see that it would be very easy to hate the working life, but I'm quite fine there. So, as there's work tomorrow, 23:43, time to bed it is!
p.s: once upon a time, a tie for me was a twin ion engine. that was just before I lost my x-wing :)

Well, that would be my first post ever... i know that the wise Morpheus said "everybody fails at first try" but i also know that he's a smartass, so, whatever, let's see.