Monday, August 23, 2004
is growing up closing to mainstream?
The process of writing is an interesting one for me (and hope it's also interesting for you :) (should I add a "too" here? or is "also" sufficient to give that meaning? please help me in the comments.) (Actually, I am so pathetically afraid of not being read that I myself will have a discussion in the comments section, so that people who read it will think that I have a huge reader group). (And what now? now that I said this out loud (wrote it loud :) it doesn't mean anything, I must say that I kinda feel exposed, I know that I vitally care about being read, but I also know that the main reason that I am writing this blog is the pleasure that I get when I read it (wow! yeah baby! I am the main reason!) and this is also a way to express myself, this is a way to satisfy the need of expressing myself, because I usually don't in public. Now that I think of it, this might be a reason why some people over the net know me better. And that's also why close friends are important to me.
Again, this blog has gone to places I never thought of, and also, I lost track of the parantheses :) anyway,
This always what happens when I write, I start somewhere and end up with ideas that I always had in my mind but never intended to write. For example, I rate this blog highly dangerous, because it really tells about what goes in my head, and as I mentioned above, I really am not used to such vulnerability, and right now seriously considering of not posting it, just saving as a draft, but I also know that I will post it. Why? (do you really care? :) I am also asking myself if I ventured enough into myself to lose your interest, see above the section where I am talking about my need to be read.) Why? Because I am changing, that is why.
It is interesting to be aware that you're changing. I think part of the process is generated by yourself, and the rest comes with the environment. A few years ago, I would never have posted something like this, (you know, I'm actually stuck here, I don't know how to end this sentence. I also wonder, when you are reading, do you notice when I'm stuck? and when it's flowing, when every word is coming like attached spaghettis, can you realize the difference? Some are fully formed in my head, and others are melt together here, are they all the same to you? Yes, answers in the comments section please :) and I still have to finish the sentence, I was hoping you were lost, but you're not) (who am I kidding, I was hoping you were reading with full concentration, with people calling you and you answering "no I can't pay attention to you right now, it's too important", "shut up, I try read here!" or "no honey I can't come to bed, I have found the meaning of my life". Ok, but this was only half-joke, nobody would bother if he didn't thought he would be read, period. Taking from where I left:) but all the contact with new people, in the internship, in the courses that I took has managed to turn me into a more open person, and I think this is what they call growing up.
I wonder, is growing up closing to mainstream? Is it a journey from heavy metal to soul?
As I was writing, another dilemma came to my mind, I want to be read (yes, I know I already mentionned this more than enough, sorry) but also, what I am writing is highly personal, so I am not telling about this blog to huge masses :) Already, people that I never met know stuff about me, and even though this is very surprising and at the same time pleasing for me, it is also very disturbing.
So, to sum up for those going directly to the end, these days, these years, life is about to change, get better, even here, in the bay of mild disinterest.
Again, this blog has gone to places I never thought of, and also, I lost track of the parantheses :) anyway,
This always what happens when I write, I start somewhere and end up with ideas that I always had in my mind but never intended to write. For example, I rate this blog highly dangerous, because it really tells about what goes in my head, and as I mentioned above, I really am not used to such vulnerability, and right now seriously considering of not posting it, just saving as a draft, but I also know that I will post it. Why? (do you really care? :) I am also asking myself if I ventured enough into myself to lose your interest, see above the section where I am talking about my need to be read.) Why? Because I am changing, that is why.
It is interesting to be aware that you're changing. I think part of the process is generated by yourself, and the rest comes with the environment. A few years ago, I would never have posted something like this, (you know, I'm actually stuck here, I don't know how to end this sentence. I also wonder, when you are reading, do you notice when I'm stuck? and when it's flowing, when every word is coming like attached spaghettis, can you realize the difference? Some are fully formed in my head, and others are melt together here, are they all the same to you? Yes, answers in the comments section please :) and I still have to finish the sentence, I was hoping you were lost, but you're not) (who am I kidding, I was hoping you were reading with full concentration, with people calling you and you answering "no I can't pay attention to you right now, it's too important", "shut up, I try read here!" or "no honey I can't come to bed, I have found the meaning of my life". Ok, but this was only half-joke, nobody would bother if he didn't thought he would be read, period. Taking from where I left:) but all the contact with new people, in the internship, in the courses that I took has managed to turn me into a more open person, and I think this is what they call growing up.
I wonder, is growing up closing to mainstream? Is it a journey from heavy metal to soul?
As I was writing, another dilemma came to my mind, I want to be read (yes, I know I already mentionned this more than enough, sorry) but also, what I am writing is highly personal, so I am not telling about this blog to huge masses :) Already, people that I never met know stuff about me, and even though this is very surprising and at the same time pleasing for me, it is also very disturbing.
So, to sum up for those going directly to the end, these days, these years, life is about to change, get better, even here, in the bay of mild disinterest.
# posted by darcy @ 9:59 PM 
Comments:
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well, well.. you'll never know who reads what you write down (surprise! I am one of that anonymous reader- community. someone you don't know- and someone who hasn't got the slightest idea who you are.
Beware that! big brother is watching you!
now, the question is: are you happy? does it make a difference?
(on the other hand I must say, we share the same concerns!)
Beware that! big brother is watching you!
now, the question is: are you happy? does it make a difference?
(on the other hand I must say, we share the same concerns!)
# posted by 
: 5:39 PM
: 5:39 PM
well well...
first of all, I didn't know I had an anonymous reader community, I can already see thousands of people waiting anxiously my next blog :) maybe sometimes they gather together and chat: "oh do you think growing up is closing to the mainstream?" and maybe if everything goes well, at my ten thousandth blog, I will publish a tribute dvd for them :)
Yeah, sometimes I like joking like this, (my keyboard will be actionned at Sotheby's, starting from 1000£ :)
And I wouldn't call that exactly "Big Brother watching me", it's more like me, waving at the Big Brother with a big sign in my hands saying "hey, here I am" (ok, let's not exaggate, this blog would just be a small sign, but I am sure Big Brother wouldn't have any doubt reading it :)
And to answer the main question, yes, I am happy, I am happy most of my life, that is part because I am lucky, and I had a lucky life without any major problem, so I don't see any reason to be unhappy, and also, because I am one of the happy people.
See, we (happy people, yes I know sounds like a marilyn manson song, but they were beatiful, anyway) we happy people are the ones that lead a happy existence, and hardly make any changes. As we are generally content of what we have, we are happy and therefore lack the motivaton to change anything in our lives. It's like Polyanna shouting out loud "what a shithole I am living in!" and moving to a castle in Scotland. No, Polyanna would never say that, and therefore never do that. (did you notice that I like saying therefore? Indeed I do :) Of course, as we are not full time Polyannas yet, there are times in our lives when we say "that's enough" and probably move to Tahiti to live with the native ladies in a tropical climate, but even this takes a huge amount of energy, doubt, and the motivation needed to overcome these takes a very, very, very long time of gathering (did you knew that I never, ever, left any of my girlfriends? all the endings were their choices, although one time we can say it was a mutual decision, but even then, I wasn't the one who brought it up. Oh, and my ego adds that I managed to never call them, never asked to pick up from where we left, although now I think that the reason I did this is that it would be a decision, a change in my life, and I was happy with the way it was. (I do hope I made myself clear here, if any question arises, you may ask me in the comments, but I really doubt you would bother with that, I wouldn't :)
Now this is an interesting comment, I think I will post this as a blog.
first of all, I didn't know I had an anonymous reader community, I can already see thousands of people waiting anxiously my next blog :) maybe sometimes they gather together and chat: "oh do you think growing up is closing to the mainstream?" and maybe if everything goes well, at my ten thousandth blog, I will publish a tribute dvd for them :)
Yeah, sometimes I like joking like this, (my keyboard will be actionned at Sotheby's, starting from 1000£ :)
And I wouldn't call that exactly "Big Brother watching me", it's more like me, waving at the Big Brother with a big sign in my hands saying "hey, here I am" (ok, let's not exaggate, this blog would just be a small sign, but I am sure Big Brother wouldn't have any doubt reading it :)
And to answer the main question, yes, I am happy, I am happy most of my life, that is part because I am lucky, and I had a lucky life without any major problem, so I don't see any reason to be unhappy, and also, because I am one of the happy people.
See, we (happy people, yes I know sounds like a marilyn manson song, but they were beatiful, anyway) we happy people are the ones that lead a happy existence, and hardly make any changes. As we are generally content of what we have, we are happy and therefore lack the motivaton to change anything in our lives. It's like Polyanna shouting out loud "what a shithole I am living in!" and moving to a castle in Scotland. No, Polyanna would never say that, and therefore never do that. (did you notice that I like saying therefore? Indeed I do :) Of course, as we are not full time Polyannas yet, there are times in our lives when we say "that's enough" and probably move to Tahiti to live with the native ladies in a tropical climate, but even this takes a huge amount of energy, doubt, and the motivation needed to overcome these takes a very, very, very long time of gathering (did you knew that I never, ever, left any of my girlfriends? all the endings were their choices, although one time we can say it was a mutual decision, but even then, I wasn't the one who brought it up. Oh, and my ego adds that I managed to never call them, never asked to pick up from where we left, although now I think that the reason I did this is that it would be a decision, a change in my life, and I was happy with the way it was. (I do hope I made myself clear here, if any question arises, you may ask me in the comments, but I really doubt you would bother with that, I wouldn't :)
Now this is an interesting comment, I think I will post this as a blog.
so you're english with these fluent words you say. i like it when people say indeed, it reminds me of some snobbish old english men who think they're the greatest guys in the world but all they do is to sit the whole day not doing anything but reading books or drinking milky tea at five o'clock or things i don't know and we don't do.
so you like to be like these snobbish english men too. so you said you were happy and it's been a long time since you said that. so, i'm the one who somehow got to read your comment now. answer me then, are you happy now mister teacup or you're still the way you were before?
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so you like to be like these snobbish english men too. so you said you were happy and it's been a long time since you said that. so, i'm the one who somehow got to read your comment now. answer me then, are you happy now mister teacup or you're still the way you were before?
# posted by : 7:25 PM
: 7:25 PM << Home
